friends only.

comment to be added.

I stole this from several xanga's...

If you read this,
You must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want!
It can be good or bad,
Just so long as it happened.
Then post this in your xanga,
And see what people remember about you.

Oh God.
I had the best weekend. I <3 being a teenager. I can't wait til college.

Midterms. I am going to be a ball of bitchy stress for the next 4 days. I read an article about today being the most depressing day of the year. I'll drink to that.
Read The Time Traveler's Wife. It's a wonderful book.
Here's to hoping to another 2 hour delay that I know isn't coming. I wasn't "in school" today (even though I was...) so tomorrow should be extra fun. Fuck Downingtown.

So a Pagan killed a Hell's Angel and the funeral is tomorrow in Downingtown. St. Joe's gets out. Once again, Downingtown Area School District is being a douchebottle and not giving us off. Can't wait to see the elementary school kids get gunned down by a bunch of motorcycle jockeys tomorrow. Ok that was mean. I'm in such a fucked up mood. I feel like working out isn't helping. I feel so gross and too big for my body. Ew.

Oh boy. Frustration x 1.5 million. I want to kick someone in the face. Or punch them in the ovaries, if a girl happens along. (Everyone needs to see Anchorman every day). Amanda came back. Her pink hair made my day worth living. To everyone I was a bitch too..oops. You love me, I love you..we'll get over it. Half of them are always bitches back. <3 Happy scream. Frustration ..I'm angry and happy and sad and just..me. I like innocence. Or..non-innocence in an innocent way. I can't even explain. I get manic. I can't wait to do my Sylvia Plath project.

I'm a little scared girl. Giggle.
My house smells like warm food. I had chicken and vegetables for dinner. And fruit. I need to go to the gym or I'm going to turn into a whale. I want to make a shirt that says "I <3 Carbs". I saw one already that says "Fuck Atkins". Amazing. We had a lengthy discussion about the word "fuck". Mike has a shirt that says "FCUK"..but that's just ..yeah. I can't think. I think it's popcorn. There's Japanese people yelling at me through my computer.
Basically..I need to stop being such a girl.

January 12, 2005. (Libra)
Quickie: The best way to get a piece of the action is to assert your own agenda.

I like to slap bitches. I like to slap ho's.

Me!: how was tony?
Hottest man alive, aka MIKE.: good
Mike: we stole a sign.
Joie: nice!
Mike: yea it says "hitting golfballs prohibited in park"
Joie: haha
Joie: not anymore, bitches

Then we laughed lots. Actually it just happened, so we're still laughing. It was popcorn. With butter. Ew. I need to figure out when and why Steve and I became friends again. I no longer trust anything with male genetalia. I love the Counting Crows. Murder of One. I love my iPod. I love..lamp.

I love my horoscopes for today.
You're stuck between longing for the past and a desire to move forward. It's time to pack up those old memories and look toward the future. and
Your clear opinions and emotions are muddied now, perhaps by murky romantic memories or misplaced sentimentality. Let yourself feel it, but if you start to dwell, talk it out with a friend or your journal.

Well I talked with a friend. But I'll add here.

If Steve would stop calling/texting/being alive (okay, not really the last one. I'd be sad if he wasn't here anymore) then everything would be much easier. But I don't know that it would be better. I have theories about why he's taken a sudden interest in my life/happiness again. I can't write them in here, since I know the extent of the people who use LJ and there's people I don't want to read this, for various reasons. I also believe (strongly) that I jinx myself if I talk about things.
However. I've talked to two different people about this. Both who I trust alot. And they both said the same thing..in two different ways. One said he doesn't have enough of a soul to care if something bad were to happen. The other said that it's really far-fetched to think he'd care that much. But that he jumps to conclusions and ..yea.
I wish there were simple answers. Tom (and a different horoscope) said to just get off my ass and do something myself.

But I'm scared and indecisive and suspicious. So I won't.

Six degrees of separation.
Everyone really is connected.
Scary. There's people I'm connected to that I don't want to be connected to. There isn't enough places in the world for everyone..not enough space between the people I hate and the people that affect me. ...aah.

I, uh..I give up.

People infuriate me. 9/10 of my political science class need to die. Now I feel bad for not sticking up for Logan.

Most Americans suck.

I love the gym. No more fat Joie.

I am so fucking fed up with the world.
It's not just guys for once. It's girls. Well, it's both. It's "friends". Case in point:
Liz.
Apparently...according to some people...Laura and I "intimidate her". Ok whatever. That's fucked up...just because you think someone might be "prettier" or whatever than you (not that she even does..), doesn't give yuo a fuckign reason to blow them off. Sorry hun, you can't be my friend at school and then "forget" whenever it's convienient for you. Same goes with the rest of that group. Yesterday and today piss me off so much..they go out to lunch, "forget" about me and Laura..and then make plans for New Year's, even after we all "wanted" to do something together. "Oh yea, well you can come too." Gee hunnie, thanks. And does Colleen call me or Laura back? That's a no. Do they respond today when we invite them to the movies? Nope.
Then there's Corey. Oh Corey. What shit that boy's put me through. For a week now..a fucking week.."I wanna come see you" etc etc. He makes plans. He gives me a fucking definite time. 3 hours later, he text messages me.."Sorry, I slept". Fuck you. Don't make me sit around for 3 hours and waste time waiting for you. I woke up early, I got my shit done. Would it have been so hard for you to set an alarm?
Mark. Calls me when he wants ass. Never responds to anything else. "Do you want to hang out?" We make plans. He'll "call me tomorrow". Tomorrow comes and goes.
And, finally, we come to Thom. I adore this boy...he's one of my best friends. And completely fucking unreliable. Thanksgiving. We'll hang out. We don't. Christmas, I have one day left...we'll hang out. We'll go to the pottery place (supposedly today). I really want to hang out with you, I really want to hang out with you, I really...shut up. No you don't. I promise I'll call tomorrow. Uh huh. When I call..uhh..I slept. I don't want to go tonight. I'll call you tomorrow. Promise.
No more promises from anyone. I don't care anymore. I'm not going out of my way for anyone who doesn't deserve it (I do believe that that's everyone but Laura).
So. Fuck you. Until you can actually prove that you're worth my time and energy, I give the fuck up on all of you.

I'm not ready to go back to school.
I hate boys.

A feel good quiz by cerulean_dreams
your name is...
your eyes	shine with a light all their own
your hair	is elegant
your smile	draws others towards you
your body	is wonderous
your hugs	are craved by many
your kiss	is stunning
your love	is forever
Quiz created with MemeGen!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

































































































This was just a test. Had I been having an actual nervous breakdown, this scream would have been followed by me assuming the fetal position and talking quietly to myself.

How overwhelmed.
That's all I can say. I've been out of touch with so many things, and I don't know yet if I'm ready to give up being so young and idealistic. I'm too young and have too much ahead of me to be this cynical.
I've fallen in love.
With a boy.
His name is T.S. Eliot.

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Coming the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Sigh. Right now I need a boy, a calming Eliot to guide me. Someone to inspire me to express myself-even if right now it has to be through Math. Or Science. Or lunch or getting gas or going to work or Christmas shopping. I need a guide-a Tyresius, flawed as he is, man and woman in one-someone to point me forward and take me away.
I was so sick yesterday I thought I would die. I've never felt so much pain (albeit my own fault).
I need sleep.
I need to stop thinking. I promised..promised..swore. to myself that I wouldn't do this.

Sometimes I fall so fast

. Lord give me the strength to rely on myself. An affair with a dead man would be for the best right now.

Anonymously Leave me an comment with:

-an insult
-a secret
-a criticism
-a crush
-a compliment
-a death threat
-a song
-a love note
-a picture
-a confession
-a hint of who you are...

Ok.
Picture this.
Be hot. No make-up. Natural (easy!) hair, wear basically whatever you want. Rule 1: Wear flip-flops.

Done.
Why would anyone complain about this job?